# Official Jokes Thread: just looking for good ones **URL:** \ **Category:** Uncategorized\ **Created:** [February 13, 2004, 7:43pm UTC](https://forum.kirupa.com/t/official-jokes-thread-just-looking-for-good-ones/101771 "2004-02-13T19:43:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![highlander0](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ccd318/32.png) [@highlander0](https://forum.kirupa.com/u/highlander0)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2004, 7:43pm UTC](https://forum.kirupa.com/t/official-jokes-thread-just-looking-for-good-ones/101771/1 "2004-02-13T19:43:12Z")
any good jokes you know of just post them thnx ---
**Author:** ![system](https://canada1.discourse-cdn.com/flex011/uploads/kirupa/original/3X/6/2/621e5c11736f46532526e61be85940af4230f3e5.png) [@system](https://forum.kirupa.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2004, 12:30pm UTC](https://forum.kirupa.com/t/official-jokes-thread-just-looking-for-good-ones/101771/2 "2004-07-23T12:30:29Z")
_ **I love this thread** _ > A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey Dave! How ya doin’?” His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh no,” says Dave. "He’s on my bowling team. When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, “How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" “She’s in the Ladies’ Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.” A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave and says “Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, bigboy?” Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book. The cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real b!tch tonight, Dave.” ---
**Author:** ![fester8542](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a183cd/32.png) [@fester8542](https://forum.kirupa.com/u/fester8542)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 3:11pm UTC](https://forum.kirupa.com/t/official-jokes-thread-just-looking-for-good-ones/101771/3 "2004-08-16T15:11:25Z")
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money. After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president’s office. The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets. The president was surprised and asked, “What kind of bets?” The elderly woman replied, “Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.” The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that. The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, “Would you like to take my bet?” “Certainly”, replied the president. “I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.” “Done”, the elderly woman answered. “But given the amount of money involved, if you don’t mind I would like to come back at 10 o’clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.” “No problem”, said the president of the Bank confidently. That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet. The next morning at exactly 10 o’clock the elderly woman arrived at the president’s office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president’s testicles were square. The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly. The president was happy to oblige. The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. “Of course”, said the president “Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.” The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, “Oh, it’s probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o’clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!” ---
**Author:** ![fester8542](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a183cd/32.png) [@fester8542](https://forum.kirupa.com/u/fester8542)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2004, 11:50am UTC](https://forum.kirupa.com/t/official-jokes-thread-just-looking-for-good-ones/101771/4 "2004-08-23T11:50:12Z")
An Irishman named O’Malley went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked O’Malley in the eye and said, “I’ve some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it can’t be cured. You’d best put your affairs in order.” O’Malley was shocked and saddened. But, being a solid character, he managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor’s office into the waiting room, where his son had been waiting. “Well, son, we Irish celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don’t go well. In this case, things aren’t so well. I have cancer. Lets head to the pub and have a few pints.” After 3 or 4 pint! s, or more, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and some more beers. They were eventually approached by some of O’Malley’s old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. O’Malley told them that the Irish celebrate the good as well as the bad. He went on to tell his friends that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, “I have been diagnosed with AIDS.” The friends gave O’Malley their condolences, and they had a couple of more beers. After the friends left, O’Malley’s son leaned over and whispered his confusion. “Dad, I thought you told me that you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends that you were dying of AIDS!” O’Malley said, “I don’t want any of them sleeping with your Mother after I am gone.” ---
**Author:** ![eilsoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9fc348/32.png) [@eilsoe](https://forum.kirupa.com/u/eilsoe)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2004, 1:29pm UTC](https://forum.kirupa.com/t/official-jokes-thread-just-looking-for-good-ones/101771/5 "2004-08-23T13:29:58Z")
hehe 😛 ---
**Author:** ![idoik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/97f17d/32.png) [@idoik](https://forum.kirupa.com/u/idoik)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2004, 5:26pm UTC](https://forum.kirupa.com/t/official-jokes-thread-just-looking-for-good-ones/101771/6 "2004-08-23T17:26:42Z")
my jokes are r rated:P e-mail me for those hehehe ---
**Author:** ![Jasninder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Jasninder](https://forum.kirupa.com/u/Jasninder)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2004, 5:29pm UTC](https://forum.kirupa.com/t/official-jokes-thread-just-looking-for-good-ones/101771/7 "2004-08-23T17:29:40Z")
funny thread 😃 i like it, i am going to post some. ---
**Author:** ![Jasninder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Jasninder](https://forum.kirupa.com/u/Jasninder)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2004, 6:06pm UTC](https://forum.kirupa.com/t/official-jokes-thread-just-looking-for-good-ones/101771/8 "2004-08-23T18:06:09Z")
**Good, bad and Ugly** 1. **Good** : Your wife is pregnant. **Bad** : It’s triplets. **Ugly** : You had a vasectomy 5 years ago. 2. **Good** : Your wife is not talking to you. **Bad** : She wants a divorce. **Ugly** : She is a Lawyer. 3. **Good** : Your son is finally maturing. **Bad** : He’s involved with the woman next door. **Ugly** : So are you. 4. **Good** : Your son studies a lot in his room. **Bad** : You find several \*\*\*\* movies hidden there. **Ugly** : You’re in them. 5. **Good** : Your hubby and you agree, no more kids. **Bad** : You can’t find your birth control pills. **Ugly** : Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them. 6. **Good** : Your husband understands fashion. **Bad** : He’s a cross-dresser. **Ugly** : He looks better than you. 7. **Good** : You give the “birds and bees” talk to your daughter. **Bad** : She keeps interrupting. **Ugly** : With corrections. 8. **Good** : The postman’s early. **Bad** : He’s wearing fatigues and carrying a gun. **Ugly** : You gave him nothing for Christmas. 9. **Good** : Your son is dating someone new. **Bad** : It’s another man. **Ugly** : He’s your best friend. 10. **Good** : Your daughter got a new job. **Bad** : As a hooker. **Ugly** : Your co-workers are her best clients. **Way Ugly** : She makes more money than you do!