Sounds pretty difficult. It seems youāve been doing a good job given the position youāre in. I hope everything works out well for you.
Sorry to hear that mt. I too hope it all works well for you!
Wellā¦ what can you do? Youāre 14. Frankly I donāt think your parents should be fighting like that at all, much less in front of you. At least when my parents did that crap they forced me to go into the basement or up in my room.
Your parents arenāt setting a good example for you. If they fight as much as you say, iām going to be willing to bet they are they āstay together for the kidsā type of parents, which is incredibly unhealthy for them and their relationshipā¦ and you.
Sorry if I sound like iām being ignorant, but I canāt sugar coat the truth. Iāve been the in the same situation plenty of timesā¦ and yet theres no real advice I can give you except that this is an issue your parents have to work out, and unless you can get them to do that (peacefully of course), theres nothing you can do.
Wow man, that is some heavy stuff. My parents are EXACTLY the same and I too favor my dad because of how INSANE my mom is. They havenāt had a showdown like the one you described though, there is never really any physical fightingā¦ my dad has probably gotten slapped a couple times, but thatās where it stops. My advice to you would be do something to release whatever it is you feel, for me it was (this doesnāt happen much anymore now that Iām 19, and I am much better at dealing with it now) feedback laden guitar freakouts that usually ended in bleeding fingers. Music can be very helpful in times like that, either to write it or to listen to it. I would definitely retreat to some sort of art to get your mind of things andā¦ erā¦ ācleanse your soulā of what you feel (I know, it sounded lame). Itās also effective to just walk out of your house when they start doing stupid stuff, like arguing about stupid crap that doesnāt matter. It will make them feel bad too. I donāt know, maybe thatās bad adviceā¦
they could get some therapyā¦and maybe those psychiatrists will find the real problem here. im sure that this bickering about little things has a real meaning somewhere deep inside their brains.
maybe something happened before you were born, and all these fights are triggered by that.
hey man, im really sorry that you and your family are having a rough timeā¦
its never easy to deal with this kind of stuff, which you of course know.
i wish every one of us could give you great advice and help you, but i dunno how much any of us could helpā¦
id agree with APDesign, when i just cant take it anymore, i take a walk. Five years ago, id strap on my skates and grind stuff for a few hours. Just get that pent up energy out somehow, it really helps.
Have you told either of them that you have a problem with them fighting? They might not know it is affecting you as much as it is.
Awā¦ thanks everyoneā¦ I feel much better now =) I hope this day will soon be overā¦ need sleepā¦
hopefully this wont continue much longerā¦ or iāll move out or somethingā¦ They know that i know that they know i think itās annoying and scary, but they just keep on ā¦ doing itā¦
sighā¦
im praying for you man -
stuff like that is hard on the stomach - make sure you keep your cool though -
you might** peacefully approach both parents at once and say something like āi need to talk to youā
and just plainly but respectfully!! just ask them why they fight and explain to them how it makes you feel.
Are you into art at all? Itās a great release for frustrations, and allows you to release your emotions in a raw untamed kind of way. Art has always been a good release for meā¦ structured or otherwise.
Everyone has their own thing thoughā¦ it sucks when you donāt know what yours is though, because then you have to find it.
Some suggestions (things that work for me)ā¦
Art (traditional/computer graphics)
Programming (Me.prototype.destroy = function(who){})
Going for walks.
Photography (recent one I discovered)
get a great night sleep, man. Iām not religious and hey, ill pray for you too! Im glad you feel better. Have a good tomorrow too.
art and music 
take up guitar (or drums or bass or something) and start writing songs w/ lyrics and you will amaze yourself.
thanks for the prays there =) i might need itā¦
Iāll look into making some art and music or something, only tried them for fun beforeā¦ hopefully these will do me some goodā¦
MtSoul, im know what it feels like and what it does to you. Your asian right? I am too. Im an only child also although im a bit older than you. My parents have fought before and it really kills me. When your in that situation, you dont care about anything or anyone, you just literally want to get away from it. When I was younger, my parents had a fight that I didnt know what was on let alone how to function the vcr. They got into a fight and it ended in the kitchen with my dad holding a large kitchen knife right at my mum. YES its true. You should have seen my mum and my reaction, just standing there, stunned like time stopped. We called the police, they came and it was his first warning. I could instantly see the change. From being at knifepoint we didnt know what to do and just get on with whatever. He usually sat after work at the tv and didnt even turn on the light. Then a weeks/months later, it started again with him throwing forks, spoons, chopsticks down the floor. We ran outside and called the police again. It was his 2nd warning. Eventually, it calmed down ad things started to become normal again and we moved houses. AND it sparked again. THE stupiest thing happened. Theres was this competition thing about some seminar for tutition and I was interested. My dad was like āThere just scamming youā. He kept repeating it and then my mum interjected by saying, āIf he wants to do it, then he can do it, why should you care?ā My dad started to get annoyed and when situations like this arose, my mum usually mumbles to herself how my dad is unreasonable. My dad hates when someone talks behind him being sensitive and so he starts jumpng round like a monkey and starts shouting that hes right blah blah blah. Next morning we had a Optus call (phone company) and there was some special deal. We decided to go for it but we needed him to verify some info. Suddenly gets full angry cause of that competition and holds the tv remote and smashes it as well as the glass table. We called the police again for the 3rd time and this time we actually went to court and he had to go on an AVO which is a violence restraint order. These are only a few situations that I like to voice to you and the rest, there are a whole lot more but on a smaller scale.
Everytime these things happen im really scared. I shouldnt be but when I cant calm him down, hes a lunatic and I just want to break away. I thought of everything like telling my mum to get a divorce and get another guy or live with just me and her or send him back to New Jersey where he belongs (he used to live there till he moved to australia because of marriage) and even wishing i was aussie than an asian since australian parents are more understanding. In these times, I really envied being an Australian, living in a family where parents understand you, having good grades (not that i dont have but want better) and having a gf, someone to talk about personal issues. Its also why i listen to Trance, it makes my mind lose itself within reality and your in another place, the hard beats makes you forget all your problems and difficuties. Its really painful and it hurts. I know how you feel MtSoul, im there for you. I guess he has learnt his lesson to an extent and things are normal nowā¦ well underneath i wouldnt still think so, all those memories must still be in the back of their minds. I guess on my fair share, i try to keep things in order and not to piss him off. Hes a good father but its the thing of being āin controlā āim always rightā thing that isnt right. Hes helped me with school work and so forth so I have to thank him for that. Cheer up Mtsoul, something in the future will turn things around. Maybe not 100% but make life living alot easier.
Cheers.
Have you any other family in the area MTSoul?
Maybe a grandparent, Auntie, Uncleā¦Perhaps if you thought about moving in with one of them for a while your parents might realise how hard itās been for you.
Maybe suggest counselling, perhaps sit down with each of them ( at different times ) and tell them theyāre being unreasonableā¦this is your house too and youāve got to concentrate on school but itās hard in the middle of a war zone. Maybe even mention your thinking of asking Uncle whatever if you could stay for a while or something like that, itās your call.
The guys are right with suggesting an outlet (such as art or music) it will help, but I think you need to do something to get out of the firing line.
by the way, I think if they fight like that again youāve got three choices
- Pull them apart
- Throw a bucket (or pot) of water on them
- Call the cops
Hope everything works out, Iām sure it will :thumb:
I agree. Obviously they arenāt stopping, so you should douse them with water and tell them to grow up and get a life. Sorry to hear that they arenāt the most agreeable of peopleā¦
:thumb: good luck
Sorry to hear that MT. That sounds all too familiar. I know when that crap was going on in my house when I was growing up if I had thrown a bucket of water on them I wouldāve gotten a beating.
Just remind yourself that it has nothing to do with you. You canāt control how others react so you shouldnāt feel responsible nor guilty no matter what the reason these fights begin.
Also, itās not your responsibility to make your parents get along. You can try talking to them when theyāre in a good mood and tell them how their fighting affects you.
aww , i am so sorry to hear that 
i dont know what i 'd do in a situation like that, i hope and pray things get better soon.
yeah i bet throwing water on them will cool them down. I immigrated to canada about 4 years ago (from china :)) and all iāve got is my parents. I donāt think theyāll like the idea of being counsellingā¦ traditional chinese parents 
Oh my god. Iām Asian, just like you said. Cant communicate with parents, just like you said. Hopefully my parents will stay togetherā¦ i donāt want to be a single-parented kid
VERY sorry to hear that man. Sometime I donāt know how good Iāve got it. My parents must be really great parents. Iāve never seen them fight and they rarely get in arguments.