I cant take it anymore. Parents fight

1

Ok, i’m not in a good mood right now… if you dont want to listen to this rant… please click back now.

It’s been over 10 years that my parents have been fighting for, and it’s really sad for me, as their child (only child). Ever since i was born, they’ve been fighting, over the tiniest littliest things that you can find in a bug’s stomach. I’m 14 right now, and to me, I have not gotten the slightest idea why my parents even married…

Just today, my mom got a ticket (from improper parking). She went to T&T (some chinese supermarket) and parked there at 9:00am. She came back and got a ticket saying there is no parking before 9:30am. My mom’s a new driver (only been driving for 2 years) and this was her first ticket. I knew this when she told me after she picked me up from summer school (at noon).

When my dad cam home today (about half 2 hours ago), he found out about the ticket also. He’s quite anxious and mad about it, because there was no sign saying no parking, and the price was like 100 dollars. He decides to complain to the parking lot company, and just said (to my mom), “next time, phone me as soon as possible if you get a ticket”. Boom, that’s probably that last thing he’ll say today.

I know that my dad doesn’t mean anything else than what he said, but my mom, who from my experience is 200% sensitive to the heart, took it seriously. She starts yelling, throwing things and saying how “immature” and “insensitive” my dad is. This might sound like i’m favouring my dad, and I am.

Throwing, yelling, and crying have been common (once a week at least) in my family. I thought it was just another one of those cry cry cry the end fights, but i was wrong. My mom didnt stop crying and yelling for about 5 minutes (with my dad not saying anything), and for the first time, she slapps my dad in the face. I was in the same room they were in, and it was just stunning. My dad, being quick tempered, quickly got mad and pushed my mom, while swearing at her stupid behaviours. My mom was in a really jumpy mood (from crying/yelling) and pushed as hard as she could (in my guess) back. My dad hit the table; lamp fell and broke.

Then they started to just fight. Hitting, punching, kicking, yelling, crying, from kitchen to living room, on the ground. I just left without saying anything… probably was the only thing i could do. Now i’m scared, cause my mom is taking about an hour of shower (she usually takes 5 minute ones) and she aint coming out. My dad is just watching TV. I got math homework to do (for summer school), but i just cant calm down from all of this craziness… it’s like this day will never end…

That was it for today. Hopefully i didn’t cause any sezures to you all.

Now that you’ve read my incredibly long story (real story), i thank you, truthfully.

But i ask you to do me a favour: what would you do… if you were me?

I, right now, feel like i wish i was never born. :frowning: :*( :hurt:

2

:frowning:

Sounds pretty difficult. It seems you’ve been doing a good job given the position you’re in. I hope everything works out well for you.

3

Sorry to hear that mt. I too hope it all works well for you!

4

Well… what can you do? You’re 14. Frankly I don’t think your parents should be fighting like that at all, much less in front of you. At least when my parents did that crap they forced me to go into the basement or up in my room.

Your parents aren’t setting a good example for you. If they fight as much as you say, i’m going to be willing to bet they are they “stay together for the kids” type of parents, which is incredibly unhealthy for them and their relationship… and you.

Sorry if I sound like i’m being ignorant, but I can’t sugar coat the truth. I’ve been the in the same situation plenty of times… and yet theres no real advice I can give you except that this is an issue your parents have to work out, and unless you can get them to do that (peacefully of course), theres nothing you can do.

5

Wow man, that is some heavy stuff. My parents are EXACTLY the same and I too favor my dad because of how INSANE my mom is. They haven’t had a showdown like the one you described though, there is never really any physical fighting… my dad has probably gotten slapped a couple times, but that’s where it stops. My advice to you would be do something to release whatever it is you feel, for me it was (this doesn’t happen much anymore now that I’m 19, and I am much better at dealing with it now) feedback laden guitar freakouts that usually ended in bleeding fingers. Music can be very helpful in times like that, either to write it or to listen to it. I would definitely retreat to some sort of art to get your mind of things and… er… “cleanse your soul” of what you feel (I know, it sounded lame). It’s also effective to just walk out of your house when they start doing stupid stuff, like arguing about stupid crap that doesn’t matter. It will make them feel bad too. I don’t know, maybe that’s bad advice…

6

they could get some therapy…and maybe those psychiatrists will find the real problem here. im sure that this bickering about little things has a real meaning somewhere deep inside their brains.

maybe something happened before you were born, and all these fights are triggered by that.

7

hey man, im really sorry that you and your family are having a rough time…
its never easy to deal with this kind of stuff, which you of course know.
i wish every one of us could give you great advice and help you, but i dunno how much any of us could help…
id agree with APDesign, when i just cant take it anymore, i take a walk. Five years ago, id strap on my skates and grind stuff for a few hours. Just get that pent up energy out somehow, it really helps.

8

Have you told either of them that you have a problem with them fighting? They might not know it is affecting you as much as it is.

9

Aw… thanks everyone… I feel much better now =) I hope this day will soon be over… need sleep…

hopefully this wont continue much longer… or i’ll move out or something… They know that i know that they know i think it’s annoying and scary, but they just keep on … doing it…

sigh…

10

im praying for you man -

stuff like that is hard on the stomach - make sure you keep your cool though -

you might** peacefully approach both parents at once and say something like “i need to talk to you”

and just plainly but respectfully!! just ask them why they fight and explain to them how it makes you feel.

11

Are you into art at all? It’s a great release for frustrations, and allows you to release your emotions in a raw untamed kind of way. Art has always been a good release for me… structured or otherwise.

Everyone has their own thing though… it sucks when you don’t know what yours is though, because then you have to find it.

Some suggestions (things that work for me)…

Art (traditional/computer graphics)
Programming (Me.prototype.destroy = function(who){})
Going for walks.
Photography (recent one I discovered)

12

get a great night sleep, man. I’m not religious and hey, ill pray for you too! Im glad you feel better. Have a good tomorrow too.

13

art and music :slight_smile: take up guitar (or drums or bass or something) and start writing songs w/ lyrics and you will amaze yourself.

14

thanks for the prays there =) i might need it…

I’ll look into making some art and music or something, only tried them for fun before… hopefully these will do me some good…

15

MtSoul, im know what it feels like and what it does to you. Your asian right? I am too. Im an only child also although im a bit older than you. My parents have fought before and it really kills me. When your in that situation, you dont care about anything or anyone, you just literally want to get away from it. When I was younger, my parents had a fight that I didnt know what was on let alone how to function the vcr. They got into a fight and it ended in the kitchen with my dad holding a large kitchen knife right at my mum. YES its true. You should have seen my mum and my reaction, just standing there, stunned like time stopped. We called the police, they came and it was his first warning. I could instantly see the change. From being at knifepoint we didnt know what to do and just get on with whatever. He usually sat after work at the tv and didnt even turn on the light. Then a weeks/months later, it started again with him throwing forks, spoons, chopsticks down the floor. We ran outside and called the police again. It was his 2nd warning. Eventually, it calmed down ad things started to become normal again and we moved houses. AND it sparked again. THE stupiest thing happened. Theres was this competition thing about some seminar for tutition and I was interested. My dad was like “There just scamming you”. He kept repeating it and then my mum interjected by saying, “If he wants to do it, then he can do it, why should you care?” My dad started to get annoyed and when situations like this arose, my mum usually mumbles to herself how my dad is unreasonable. My dad hates when someone talks behind him being sensitive and so he starts jumpng round like a monkey and starts shouting that hes right blah blah blah. Next morning we had a Optus call (phone company) and there was some special deal. We decided to go for it but we needed him to verify some info. Suddenly gets full angry cause of that competition and holds the tv remote and smashes it as well as the glass table. We called the police again for the 3rd time and this time we actually went to court and he had to go on an AVO which is a violence restraint order. These are only a few situations that I like to voice to you and the rest, there are a whole lot more but on a smaller scale.

Everytime these things happen im really scared. I shouldnt be but when I cant calm him down, hes a lunatic and I just want to break away. I thought of everything like telling my mum to get a divorce and get another guy or live with just me and her or send him back to New Jersey where he belongs (he used to live there till he moved to australia because of marriage) and even wishing i was aussie than an asian since australian parents are more understanding. In these times, I really envied being an Australian, living in a family where parents understand you, having good grades (not that i dont have but want better) and having a gf, someone to talk about personal issues. Its also why i listen to Trance, it makes my mind lose itself within reality and your in another place, the hard beats makes you forget all your problems and difficuties. Its really painful and it hurts. I know how you feel MtSoul, im there for you. I guess he has learnt his lesson to an extent and things are normal now… well underneath i wouldnt still think so, all those memories must still be in the back of their minds. I guess on my fair share, i try to keep things in order and not to piss him off. Hes a good father but its the thing of being “in control” “im always right” thing that isnt right. Hes helped me with school work and so forth so I have to thank him for that. Cheer up Mtsoul, something in the future will turn things around. Maybe not 100% but make life living alot easier.

Cheers.

16

Have you any other family in the area MTSoul?
Maybe a grandparent, Auntie, Uncle…Perhaps if you thought about moving in with one of them for a while your parents might realise how hard it’s been for you.

Maybe suggest counselling, perhaps sit down with each of them ( at different times ) and tell them they’re being unreasonable…this is your house too and you’ve got to concentrate on school but it’s hard in the middle of a war zone. Maybe even mention your thinking of asking Uncle whatever if you could stay for a while or something like that, it’s your call.

The guys are right with suggesting an outlet (such as art or music) it will help, but I think you need to do something to get out of the firing line.

by the way, I think if they fight like that again you’ve got three choices

  1. Pull them apart
  2. Throw a bucket (or pot) of water on them
  3. Call the cops

Hope everything works out, I’m sure it will :thumb:

17

I agree. Obviously they aren’t stopping, so you should douse them with water and tell them to grow up and get a life. Sorry to hear that they aren’t the most agreeable of people…

:thumb: good luck

18

Sorry to hear that MT. That sounds all too familiar. I know when that crap was going on in my house when I was growing up if I had thrown a bucket of water on them I would’ve gotten a beating.

Just remind yourself that it has nothing to do with you. You can’t control how others react so you shouldn’t feel responsible nor guilty no matter what the reason these fights begin.

Also, it’s not your responsibility to make your parents get along. You can try talking to them when they’re in a good mood and tell them how their fighting affects you.

19

aww , i am so sorry to hear that :cry:
i dont know what i 'd do in a situation like that, i hope and pray things get better soon.
:frowning:

20

yeah i bet throwing water on them will cool them down. I immigrated to canada about 4 years ago (from china :)) and all i’ve got is my parents. I don’t think they’ll like the idea of being counselling… traditional chinese parents :confused:

@Minimalistik.

Oh my god. I’m Asian, just like you said. Cant communicate with parents, just like you said. Hopefully my parents will stay together… i don’t want to be a single-parented kid :frowning: