Congress today announced that the Office of President
of the United States will be outsourced to overseas
interests as of September 30th, the end of this fiscal
year. The move is being made to save $400,000 a year
in salary, a record $521 billion in deficit
expenditures, and related overhead.
“The cost savings will be quite significant” says
Congressman Adam Smith (D - Wash) who, with the aid
of the GAO (General Accounting Office) has studied
outsourcing of American jobs extensively. “We simply
can no longer afford this level of outlay and remain
competitive in the world stage”, Congressman Smith
said.
Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of the
termination of his position. He will receive health
coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of
employment. After that, with a two week waiting
period, he will then be eligible for $240 dollars a
week from unemployment insurance for 13 weeks.
Unfortunately he will not be able to receive state
Medicaid health insurance coverage as his unemploy-
ment benefits are over the required limit.
Preparations have been underway for some time for the
job move. Sanji Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices,
Mumbai, India, will be assuming the Office of
President of the United States as of October 1. Mr.
Singh was born in the United States while his parents
were here on student visas, thus making him eligible
for the position. He will receive a salary of $320
(US$) a month but with no health coverage or other
benefits. Due to the time difference between the US
and India, Mr. Singh will be working primarily at
night, when offices of the US Government will be open.
“I am excited to serve in this position,” Mr. Singh
stated in an exclusive interview. “Working nights will
let me keep my day job at the American Express call
center. I always knew I could be President someday.”
Congress stressed patience when calling Mr. Singh as
he may not be fully aware of all the issues involved
with his new position. A congressional spokesperson
noted that Mr. Singh has been given a script tree to
follow which will allow him to respond to most topics
of concern. The spokesperson further noted that
“additional savings will be realized as these
scripting tools have been successfully used by Mr.Bush
and will enable Mr. Singh to provide an answer without
having to fully understand the issue itself.”
Mr. Bush has been offered the use of a Congressional
Page to help him write a resume and prepare for his
upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Inc.,
the placement firm, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in
securing a new position, as job prospects in the
sports franchise ownership arena remain limited. A
recently released report from the Pentagon suggests a
good prospect for him as a newly unemployed person may
be in the Army National Guard. There he would be
called up with his unit and stationed in Iraq, a
country he has visited briefly before. “I’ve been
there, I know all about-Iraq and the conditions
there,” stated Mr. Bush. He gained invaluable
knowledge of the country in his first visit at the
Baghdad Airport non-smoking terminal and gift shop.
Meanwhile in Baghdad and Falluja, Iraq, sources report
that local Iraqis say Mr. Bush would receive an
especially warm reception from them. Such sources
stated the Iraqis’ only request would be to be
informed of which convoy he would be riding in order
to give him the welcome he deserves.
Congress continues to explore other outsourcing
possibilities, including that of Vice-president and
most Cabinet positions.
( Thanks, Sackers)
P.S. Not a Bush/Kerry basher, just saw the humor in it.
