It's all true

Subject: Fw: Important Hoax Information!

The following was forwarded to me and it is absolutely true. Everyone knows
that I don’t send out erroneous emails. This completely clears up all the
misunderstandings concerning internet hoaxes, conspiracy theories, pranks,
schemes etc. Of course, the following information has been confirmed by CNN
and/or the United States government. So next time you are unsure if an
email that you have received is true or not, please check with the following
to confirm its accuracy. If you feel that any particular hoax or theory has
been left out, please email it to me with the details and I will include it
in future mailings. Once again, the following is 100% true and well worth
the read.

P&G Flash Report
The KKK is endorsed by Procter and Gamble, who also supports the satanists,
and who sold Mrs. Field’s cookie recipe to Neiman Marcus for $2,000 after
the kiddie tatoos laced with LSD that were supposed to be used for satanic
ritual abuse at that day care center in Beaufort were mistakenly eaten by
the choking doberman who was bitten by the snake that came out of the fur
coat that was worn by the escaped homicidal maniac whose hook prosthesis was
found hanging from the door of the car of the teenagers who high-tailed it
out of a lover’s lane when they heard that he had escaped and then went to
the pot party where the kids who were supposed to be babysitting got high on
marijuana and were so stoned they accidentally put the baby in the oven
instead of the turkey that makes you sleepy because it contains tryptophan
because the microwave was ruined by the exploding poodle that the girl with
the beehive hairdo that turned out to contain roaches who had gotten an
automatic “A” at college because her roommate had committed suicide had put
in to dry after it had gotten wet chasing the vanishing hitchhiker who had
tried to warn the girl that her insides were cooked because she had stayed
too long under the sun lamp at the local tanning salon while her dad poured
a load of concrete into a new convertible parked outside of the house
because he thought it belonged to a guy who was having sex with his wife but
was really a prize he had won in a contest at that radio station that played
rock records that contained hidden commands and subliminal messages planted
by the Jews, international bankers, the Trilateral Commission, the Council
on Foreign Relations, the Illuminati, the New World Order, multinational
corporations, right wing militias, Jerry Falwell, the Christian Coalition,
Planned Parenthood, and the spooks at Hanger 18 of Area 51 in Dreamland who
performed the autopsies on the aliens who crashed at Roswell, New Mexico
while on a mission to abduct people and conduct weird sexual and
reproductive experiments on them because they knew we use only ten percent
of our brains and that engineers had “proven” that bumblebees can’t fly and
that sugar wakes you up even if you’re a CIA agent who has recovered
memories about conspiring with organized crime and anti-Castro extremists to
kill JFK with a magic bullet, and then killed dozens of other people whose
odds of all dying within the period in which they did are infintesimal even
if you don’t count their near-death experiences in which an angel guided
them to the light before they were called back because it wasn’t time for
them to die like Mikey from the Life cereal commercials did after eating Pop
Rocks® candy when his friend Alice Cooper who was Eddie Haskell on Leave
it to Beaver woke up after a one night stand in a hotel only to find that
the girl he was with was gone and had written “Welcome to the world of AIDS”
in lipstick on the bathroom mirror which terrified him because he knew that
it is just as easy to get AIDS from heterosexual intercourse as it is from
homosexual sodomy with an IV drug user because when the US government
created AIDS to commit genocide against blacks who aren’t adversely affected
by the minimum wage with the aid of Korean grocers who don’t give anything
back to the community they knew that Anne Klein had said on the Donahue show
that she didn’t want blacks buying her clothes because when the poison they
put in that fried chicken at Church’s so The Rich could keep the poor down
because they can’t be rich if nobody is poor there would be a massive
coverup like the Philadelphia Experiment or the carburetor that can allow a
car to get 100 mpg in perpetual motion just like Nikola Tesla had done a
hundred years ago using the same principal that Uri Geller uses to bend
spoons and psychic friends use to give you valuable insights that improve
your life for amusement purposes only while smoking a cigarette that has no
more been proven to give you cancer than evolution has been proven to occur
because it’s only a theory and there are no transitional fossils and it
violates the second law of thermodynamics unlike creation science which is
not religious and fear of irradiated food which is rational because we know
it’s bad just like the assault weapons that are more dangerous than other
semi-automatic weapons because they look scary and ugly and they’re ok to
ban because the second amendment wasn’t meant to preserve the rights of
individuals against the state like the other nine amendments in the Bill of
Rights but instead is the only amendment designed to protect the state
against individuals because if there is no effective way to keep guns out of
the hands of criminals the next best thing is to keep them out of the hands
of law abiding citizens and make sure only the state has them because
countries where the state doesn’t permit its citizens to own guns are never
oppressive and the government doesn’t become arrogant and intractable and
corrupt because the government can improve our lives by suspending the laws
of supply and demand to make prices fair and deciding how many people of
each race and sex should be in colleges and jobs which is good because when
control of everyday life is centralized in the state the people who get to
make the decisions are never capricious or highhanded or make decisions
favoring their friends and family and people who pay them money because if
only we can get the right people into positions of control it will be safe
to let them run things because smart people can figure out how to allocate
resources and what fair prices are for goods and services and labor and who
should be allowed to do what much more efficiently and constructively than
just letting millions of people make their own decisions about what they
should eat or drink or smoke or for whom they should work for under what
conditions for how much money on what schedule based on their own
perceptions concerns and plans in accordance with their best interests.

But I digress . . .