I hate my father

First off I have to say I am usually on these forums when I’m not going to school, so I haven’t been on in about half a year or so. Second, this is a rather personal message but its 1:00 AM and theres no one to talk to, and if i don’t vent my anger somehow I think I could kill someone instead. I don’t feel right about just coming back and posting a big thread but I feel like I should.

I have a problem and the simplest way for me to put it, is I hate my father. I can’t believe after everything I’ve learned from church and people I love; to forgive people, to be understanding, but honestly I’ve tried so many things and I still hate my father. He makes me angry everyday, I wish he would die half the time I think about him, I hate the fact that I was born from him.

I don’t know where to start so let me just make a list of all the reasons I hate my dad while I look back a few years.

  1. I don’t remember him ever saying I love you.
  2. He’s yelled at me everyday for the last four years of my life.
  3. He isn’t supportive of what I do - I played football in high school and he told me I was stupid for it even though I became the varsity captain.
  4. He didn’t encourage me at all through high school to do well, even though I did on my own. When report cards came home, I usually got something like 4 As and 2 Bs; instead of saying good job, he would yell and say why aren’t the other 2 Bs As?
  5. On top of him not being supportive of the successful things I’ve done, he brags to his family members of all the good things I’ve done in school/sports as if he helped me do them.

This list could go on forever. This is hard for me to put in words, and I know maybe I’m lucky that I even have a father, but at least if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have to hate one.

My father hates me, I can tell, but the difference is he has never tried to change that. I’ve tried so many times to forgive him, but he is never going to change and I am about ready to give up. More recently, I came home from my friends graduation party one night at 1:30 - a party with parents/family and no drinking or drugs. I came home that night and he told me to not give him the father’s day gift i bought him. I do not mean to brag about myself, but the worst thing is my father has no reason to hate me. I can honestly say I am a decent person. I have only drank one time in my life, and I have never done any other drugs ever. I just graduated a Magna Cum Laude while his two other sons did not even graduate from high school. I found a summer job without his help, and I do more work around the house than he does. I go to church every sunday with him. All this and he still refuses to treat me differently. I hear him tell me daily that I will be a failure and end up on the streets. I recently joined the air force too and scored an 87 on my Asvab but still tells me im a moron and what not. I hate the man. I leave for the military in september but I don’t think I can even stand living with him for two more months. I want to kill him.