Just had this in my Inbox. 
Dear girls,
For too long we men have been divided and conquered in the name of equality, feminism and a host of other bobbins. No more! The man fights back!! Tell your friends, the 90ās man is deadā¦
long live the man of the new millennium. Listen up ladies;
this is how it really isā¦
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If you think you might be fat, you are. Donāt ask us. We refuse to answer. Just get your arse down to a gym.
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Learn to work the toilet seat: if itās up, just put the bloody thing down. We need it up, you need it down. You donāt hear us moaning about you leaving it down.
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Donāt cut your hair. Ever. It causes unnecessary arguments when we dare to comment on it. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons men fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair.
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Birthdays, valentines, and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect presentā¦ Again.
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Sometimes, weāre not thinking about you. Live with it.
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Saturday = sport. Itās like the full moon or the changing of
the tides, let it be. -
Shopping is not a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
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Anything you wear is fine. Really!!!
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Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
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Face it; peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from
point blank range. Weāre bound to miss sometimes. -
Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes, so what makes you think weād be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with that particular dress?
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āYesā, ānoā and āmmmā are perfectly acceptable answers.
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A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
doctor. -
Your mum doesnāt have to be our best friend.
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Check your oil. It is an essential part of car maintenance.
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The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
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Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in a subsequent argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
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Itās not the dress that makes you look fat. Itās all that bloody chocolate you eat!!
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Telling us that the models in the menās magazines are airbrushed makes you sound jealous and petty and itās certainly not going to deter us from reading them.
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The male models with great bodies you see in magazines are all gay.
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If something we said could be intended two ways, and one of these ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
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Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; itās genetic. If we
donāt look at other women, how can we rate how pretty you are? -
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercial breaks.
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When we are in bed and look tired this means that we are tired and definitely does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.
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If you want some dessert after a meal - have some. You donāt have to finish it. You can just taste it if you like but donāt say āno,couldnāt/shouldnāt/donāt want anyā and then eat half of mine.
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Dieting doesnāt work without exercise.
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If youāre on a diet it doesnāt mean my meals should be rabbit food as well
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A manās four essential food groups are: white meat, red meat, good wine and cold lager. Please ensure all meals contain a good balance of the above in acceptable quantities - everything else falls under the category āgarnishā.
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Do not question our sense of direction. If you can learn this, then man and woman can co-exist on a level based on love and mutual respect. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
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Crying is emotional blackmail.
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We donāt remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
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Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. Thatās what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
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You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
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All men see in only 16 colours, like windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea what mauve is.
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If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. Itās genetic.
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We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. -
If we ask what is wrong and you say ānothing,ā we will act
like nothingās wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. -
If you ask a question you donāt want an answer to, expect an
answer you donāt want to hear. -
Donāt ask us what weāre thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as computers, football, fluff in your navel, zen and the art of picking your nose, the 4-4-2 formation or the benefits of drinking real ale.
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You have enough clothes, and too many shoes. Yes, you did hear right.Too many shoes!!
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Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
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I am in shape. Round is a shape.
The ballās in your court.
Sincerely,
The Lads
[color=orange]the orange one[/color]
Certainly made me laugh. 
