<b>These are extracts from actual letters sent to various councils and Housing associations throughout the UK:
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I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
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I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
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And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
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I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was that bad wind the other night that blew them off.
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I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
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Will you please send someone to mend the garden path, my wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant?
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I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.
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The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
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Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
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Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
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I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning at 6:00am his **** wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
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The man next door has a large erection in the garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
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Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two small children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.
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I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.
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Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
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I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but I still have had no satisfaction.
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My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus in it.
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He’s got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can’t take it any more.</b>
lol! 
I particularly like number 12… 
