Moving Tomorrow

I’m leaving the lovely city of Boston to return for a while to my hometown in NJ. Although i love there (forests, rivers, deer, bear, wilderness) I really don’t feel like moving. There are some good things, but also some sad things. Like, I’ll miss my friends, but its cool, I’ll see them once in a while i hope. Mostly it’s like, I’ve been living alone for 3 years, and now I’m going back with the parents until August. I know it’s gonna be… annoying to some extent. also, this packing up bit, argh, i’m ready to throw everythign out i hate packign so much. i jsut helped my mom move her 8k tons of stuff two weeks ago and it’s too soon to have any energy to do it all over.
but that’s not really whats getting me down i think.
my whole life i’ve moved around so much that it’s retarted. i’ve lived in 11 places. it’s like, everytime i start to get settled, i move again. it’s unnerving. i don’t feel like anyplace is my home at this point, North Jersey is the most like it cuz i was there for the longest stretch, but it’s like… i belong nowhere. it’s taken so much out of me i dunno even where i want to be. and then comes august i’m moving again really far away to florida probably. for two years. for school. and then move again. i feel so frazzled, so disattached.
i have a few close friends in nj that i have contact with, but everyone else… it’s like they all go away. i’m jealous of people sometimes who have friends since they were little or a home to go to that they grew up in. i had a really big move just out of 8th grade, and we were so young at the time, i lost all of my childhood friends at that point. with no means of transportation for such a huge distance, and high school starting so your busy and changing, and going through a whole mess of personal stuff, and no way to call them cuz you cant afford the long distance bills, and no email at the time or any internet, you lose touch. it fizzled out. at least for me. i’m sure some ppl do it, but it’s a really hard thing. maybe i’m being stupid and whining.
sometimes i feel not jealous, but more fortunate because i’ve experienced so many different places, and gotten to know a lot about the world that some ppl my age don’t know or haven’t seen. but then i feel like i’m just kidding myself and trying to make myself feel better.
it’s just kinda hurting sometimes when i think about 20 years from now or 40 years when i want to visit home and reminisce. i have no place to do that at, unless i want to do a tour de US. hehe. but it wouldnt be worth it, there isnt anythign solid i feel like. i guess i have this idealized vision of one’s hometown like in the wonder years. which is dumb, because this is real life. but in real life, i see most of the people i know having it, so part of me is like, how unfair. it’s probably the only thing that i genuinely feel jealousy over.
meh, i’m sorry for whining to you guys, but i’m just uber down today and kirupa has always been good to me, so i’ll get it all out here.