My new answering machine OGM

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline…
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell
you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone, mother’s maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y &
c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.

If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down & cry. You won’t be crazy forever.

If you are blonde don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.

Rev

lol, i’ve heard that before. pretty funny, i should put that on my answering machine.

Of course it was sent to me by a friend…

some spam is good…

Rev

■■■■, just hearing the word “spam” makes me hungry right now. aw…spam is so good…the food product you dolt!

just for you Thor…

Rev

I don’t get the dyslexic one? What does repatedly pressing 96 have to do with it?

dyslexic can’t spell so pressing all those differnet numbers will give them a big time problem…i think :stuck_out_tongue: good one rev