British voice: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid
collision
American voice: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North,
to avoid a collision
British voice: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to
the South to avoid a collision.
American voice: This is the Captain of US Navy ship. I say again, divert
YOUR course.
British voice: Negative. I say again. You will have to divert your course.
American voice: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN.THE SECOND LARGEST
SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES’ ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY
THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS.WE DEMAND
THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH.THAT’S 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR
COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
British voice: We are a LIGHTHOUSE you moron. And just **** off if you want
to save your ***!!
A British Doctor says, “Medicine in my country is so advanced that we
can take a kidney out of one man and put in another and have him looking
for work in 6 weeks.”
A German Doctor says, “That’s nothing we can take a lung out of one
person and put in another person and have him looking for work in 4
weeks.”
The Russian Doctor says, “In my country medicine is so advanced we can
take 1/2 a heart out of one person and put in another and have him
looking for work in 2 weeks.”
Not to be outdone, the American Doctor says “You guys are behind. We
just took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House,
and now half the country is looking for work and the other half is
preparing for war.”
Here goes one more… guys i have nothin against america or americans, plz dont think like that, some ppl mite have tht wrong notion about me on that,these are some jokes i got in my mailbox, hope my fellow american frnds/members dont mind dis and just take it as a joke. Thanx =)
-An aircraft is about to crash. There are five passengers on board, but
unfortunately only 4 parachutes. The first passenger says “I’m
Shaquille O’Neill, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers need me, it would
be unfair to them if I died”. So he takes the first parachute and
jumps. The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says "I am the wife of the
former President of the United States. I am also the most dedicated woman
in the world, a Senator in New York and America’s potential future
President. She takes one of the parachutes and jumps.
The third passenger, George W. Bush, says " I am the President of the
United States of America. I have a huge responsibility in world
politics. And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the
history of the country and I have a responsibility to my people not to die".
So he takes a parachute and jumps.
The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a ten year
old schoolboy “I am already old. I have already lived my life, as good
person and a priest I will give you the last parachute”. The boy
replies “No problem, there is also a parachute for you. America’s most
intelligent President has taken my schoolbag…”
