There’s nothing funnier than those short, unfunny jokes - I heard this one the other day:
A man was found dead recently, covered in chocolate sprinkles.
The police think he topped himself.
Two peanuts were walking down an alley.
One was a salted.
2 peanuts walk down a dark ally.
One was cashew.
lol
ah son of a bii… by a few seconds, anyway we must be two funny guys.
6 people were killed during a car accident. Three at the accident and three at the replication.
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, “Sorry we don’t serve food in here.”
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love, and get married. The ceremony wasn’t much but the
reception was brilliant.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
“Doc, I can’t stop singing “The green, green grass of home.””
“That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.”
“Is it common?”
“It’s not unusual.”
Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly “I was artificially
inseminated this morning.”
“I don’t believe you,” said Dolly.
“It’s true, no bull!” exclaimed Daisy.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.”
The other says, “Are you sure?”
The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive…”
Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull**** before.
A man takes his Rotweiller to the vet and asks, “My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can
do for him?”
“Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him.”
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“What? Because he’s cross-eyed?”
“No, because he’s really heavy.”
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn’t reach the meat on
the top shelf. He said, “No bet, the steaks are too high.”
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”
The doctor replied,“I know you can’t; I’ve cut your arms off.”
I went to a seafood disco rave last week… and pulled a mussel.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
A mate of mine fell in love with a couple of schoolbags.
We think he’s bi-satchel.
I was telling my mate about how I went to Paris the other day.
He said “Eurostar?”
I said “Well, I’ve been on TV a few times, but I’m no Julia Roberts.”
I saw a man in a bar the other day chatting up a cheetah.
I thought ‘he’s trying to pull a fast one.’
Two elephants fall off a cliff.
Boom, boom.
Two fish in a tank.
One says “So how do you drive this thing??”
Three men walk into a bar.
You’d think that one of them would’ve seen it.
A battery and a firework were arrested the other night after causing a fight.
The police charged one, but let the other off.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me “Can you give me a lift?”
I said “Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.”
So I said to the Gym instructor “Can you teach me to do the splits?”.
He said “How flexible are you?”.
I said “I can’t make Tuesdays”.
It’s strange, isn’t it? You stand in the middle of a library and go ‘Aaaaaaagghhhh’ and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Looks like Kit and I have found a rich seam of Tommy Cooper - it could be a long day - there’s more, lots more!
But I’ll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.
I can hardly contain myself.
I can keep this up for hours. :evil:
Me too 
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’ So that was nice.
The other day I sent my boyfriend a huge pile of snow.
I rang him up, I said “Do you get my drift?”.
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other “Does this taste funny to you?”
Already had that one! You’re out. :evil:
You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes.
He’s a catholic converter.
