40 Things You'd Love to Say Out Loud at Work (ADD MORE)

talk random
1

  1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of it.

  2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.

  3. How about never? Is never good for you?

  4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to publicly humiliate yourself.

  5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

  6. Who lit your fuse.

  7. I’m out of my mind at the moment, but feel free to leave a message.

  8. I don’t work here - I’m a consultant.

  9. It sounds like English, but I don’t understand a ■■■■ word you’re saying.

  10. Ahhh. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

  11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

  12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

  13. I have plenty of talent and vision - I just don’t give a ■■■■.

  14. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

  15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

  16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

  17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.

  18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

  19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?

  20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.

  21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of karma to burn

  22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

  23. And your cry-baby whiny butt opinion would be?

  24. Do I look like a f’ing people person to you?

  25. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.

  26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left

  27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

  28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

  29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

  30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

  31. Oh, I get it. Like humor. Only different.

  32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without the door.

  33. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door number 1?

  34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

  35. Nice perfume, but must you marinate in it?

  36. Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is finally done.

  37. How do I set a laser printer to k!ll.

  38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary

  39. I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.

  40. Wait a minute - I’m just trying to imagine you with a personality

2

I frequently tell disgruntled fast food employees (after I have my food, to avoid having it spat in), “If you hate your job, quit.”

3

I’ve uttered #29 and #10 to clients (or very close phrasings) and a slightly modified version of #4 to a co-worker.

nice list : )

  1. Asking a lot of insignificant questions is not going to make you look any smarter buddy.
  2. Not only are you asking us for the technically impossible, you are also trying to get it for a bargain price?
  3. How about instead of me making these 219th round of changes, you sit down and try really hard to imagine what you want BEFORE you ask me to do it.
  4. Yes, that’s quite possible. It’s retarded and hideous, but quite possible
4

  1. A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.

  2. The work you’re paying for can be any two of these three : Good, cheap or fast.
    Good, cheap work will not be fast.
    Good, fast work will not be cheap.
    Cheap, fast work will not be good.

5

^ = :krazy:

6

Man, some of the things we say at work here are repulsive …

7

Well I used to work for a company called cox communications. I’m sure you can imagine some of the jokes that were dreamed up because of it.

8

Only thing I could think of is could you leave me alone, today. Seems like just after one co-worker leaves another shows up and they just rotate.

9

I’ve actually said a lot of these things at work, but I am pretty tight with my boss and supervisors and they know i’m only kidding.

10

I take it we’ve lost count.

“I’m writing up your latest performance report. Remind me, is “Piss poor” one word, or two?”

@Built_by - So, do you enjoy ‘Cox’ in your home? :smirk:

11

[quote=DanontheMoon;2326257]I take it we’ve lost count.

@Built_by - So, do you enjoy ‘Cox’ in your home? :smirk:[/quote]

actually I have no cox in my area. No, one time my friend got a caller that said “my daughter can’t get any cox in her bedroom!”

Oh jeeze we cracked up laughing.

edit/ By the way for every call we have to say we can help with that. So im guessing my friend said something along the lines of “Ok I can help your daughter get Cox in her bedroom.” I love our customers.

12

I have heard of few of those muttered at my past and previous jobs

#1 sound so familiar… or at least a variation of it has been said

#27 is classic with a hint of cinnamon

13

#??: They said you were a great asset, i said they where off by two letters.

Also found on Yahoo Messenger

14

I have Cox cable for my internet service. They absolutely suck, if I go over like 2gb they cap me. And if I go over 10gb they just shut me off.

15
  1. Go **** yourself.
16

I like 3.

17
  1. one more buzzword and I’m taking you all with me…

TO PACKED BOARDROOM FOR MAXIMUM EFFECT

18

[quote=DanontheMoon;2326053]45. A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
[/quote]

Choice words Dan… that’s going in my footer so I can remember it for my next beatch of a client…

19

To my clients in Dubai, some of them really get on my nerves.

  1. I dont know arabic, i have no idea what you’v been talking for last 5 minutes.

  2. Go outside and ride my camel, by the time you come back your problem will be solved.

:smiley:

20
  1. I would be really depressed if I were YOU.

Crap! I said it to my senior last night when I was forced to do overtime.