Well, I guess I’m going to tell you a story. My sister had this boyfriend. She went out with him for close to 9 years. In those 9 years, he put her in the hospital 4 times, gave her 3 children and then finally left her for good. He continued to cause trouble with her and her two kids (she gave one up for adoption) and he began to get even heavier into drugs than he already was. Allegedly he shot my 8 year old nephew up with heroin one night, and a bunch of other things.
The day my father and I have been waiting for for 15 years has finally come. Last night, this guy killed himself. I’m torn about my emotions, because I’m happy that he’s gone because he won’t harm anyone else with his violence or his drugs. He was also shot from all the drugs that he had done. He was an empty shell of a person. I’m also upset because of the loss of life… I don’t really know how I should feel, and I can’t really pinpoint a specific emotion…
Jubba, just by telling us this story shows that you have a heart, despite the fact that he did horrible things to your family. What you’re feeling now is normal, just don’t feel bad because you’re glad he’s gone. You should only be ashamed if you felt no simpathy for him. As for him killing himself, I believe things happen for a reason, good or bad. Just think of it as this way, he is no longer here to casue pain to your family or himself.
We don’t have these kinda people here!
I think part of the emotion is relief! Stay neutral! If you don’t know how to feel about it then don’t! Get on with your life and ignore that fact that the guy is nuts! ee… was nuts!
The same kind of thing happened to my ex-wife’s sister. Right about the time I met my ex-wife, the SOB was shot in a drug deal gone bad…
The family had a tough time dealing with the death, but were real happy that my ex-sister-in-law was free of the beatings, and her 4 kids are safe. In time, we were able to express our relief without having to feel guilty (it was nothing to do with us that he was shot).
Stuff like this happens to people like them… sometimes it is not that bad… Best wishes for your sister, and her kids.
Well it couldn’t have really come at a worse time. The son has enough troubles. He has been in an instituition for the last 4 years because of disciplinary problems (trying to kill his mother and the people around him w/ bats, forks, screwdrivers, pens, etc…). He has ADHD along w/ BiPolar and a host of other problems. He has already attempted to kill himself several times. This started when he was 5, his first suicide attempt was when he was (he tried slitting his wrists w/ a kitchen knife). Now that his father did it, we really don’t want him to follow suite. He’s only 11. The daughter, who is 6 months older than her brother, was blind to all of her fathers faults. She couldn’t or just chose not to see how bad of a person he was. She will take this really hard.
Also, my sister thinks its her fault because she was in an argument with him shortly before it happened. She yelled at him and called him an idiot or something, and now she thinks that its her fault that he killed himself. And that makes me mad. He is finally gone from this earth, but he is still hurting my sister and her kids, and the fact that he is gone (and how he went) will continue to hurt them.
:!: oh man! I feel very sorry!
Well all they need is time! …and some good people who support and teach the kid better things that suicides!
Actually the guy whose fault this is seems to be the dead man!
This makes me mad!
Thanks Phil. We’re still working on it, and its going to take time, but everything should be all right. I’m off to work now, sick w/ every disease known to man. Or at least it feels like it. I have a sinus infections, bronchitis, and I think I’m starting to get strep… Have a nice day/night boys and girls…
I don’t know whether this helps, but I will update the above story:
4 kids, 2 boys, 2 girls, all under 10 when Dad was shot (in the front yard). The delinquent older boy has straightened up, has a nice career going, single, but seems happy. The younger boy has gone to college. The older girl has a career that allows her to travel, and she loves it. The only sad part, is the younger girl. She had 3 kids by the time she was 17 (all by the same guy who was 18 when the 1st was born), dropped out of school, and basically became trailer trash. The boyfriend ended up beating the kids and the girl, and I’m not sure how far that has gone…
It just goes to show, with the right support, even delinquents can turn it around. And that even then, nothing can stop it…
Hey Jubba… just wanted to say that I feel for you, and you have my deepest sympathies. It seems all families have terrible stories - I know mine does… but we can all get through it, just give it time and effort!! Good luck!
Hey Jubba, I say it is normal what you are feeling.
You have every right to be glad that the miserable poor excuse for a person is now gone for good, but a loss of life is also no way to go about doing that so that is a reason to be upset about it.
It is kind of a tough emotional situation, but you are allowed to feel both simultaneously, there is no rule that says you can’t.
And about the kid with BiPolar… I know how that is… it is rough for the kid, and sometimes even rougher on the parent, every kid is different with it, so I don’t know what to tell you there. I deal with mine without meds because mine isn’t to that extreme… yet, I think…
Well it runs in the family. I have it, his mother has it, and he has it. Mine is pretty mild, but the swings in mood are frequent. weekly to daily. I don’t take medication either because I can deal. He however is only 11 so he has more trouble dealing with it. Everything is tough, but hopefully we will work things out.
Same with me Jubba, I get frequent mood swings, and times where I can’t be around people because I feel like I am going to snap, but I can control it (to an extent). But as you said, for an 11 year old, it is harder. I think mine really kicked in when I was 13, but 13 is still older and easier to deal with it than 11.
I wasn’t diagnosed until last year. My family just thought I had bad mood swings. My girlfriend hates it, because one minute I will be so happy and in such a great mood, and the next I will hate everyone around me and not want to be around anyone. I usually do snap on the people that make me angry, and it doesn’t take much to make me angry. When I get mad… its not a pretty site… I try to keep myself calm and happy as much as possible, and whenever I am ‘down’ I just try to not think about what is bothering me. That is when I am on my computer doing Flash stuff the most. Keeps me occupied.
I’m going to bed now, because I am tired, and sick, and I have a dentist appt at 8 am.
much sympathy for you Jubba. I can’t possibly say it better than Phil did.
As for your own guilt, don’t let it bother you. Though there’s hardship for the family now, there would have been either way. The former being much more distructive than the current situation. The man was evil. He’s gone now. You should feel glad about that, and have no shame in doing so. (though obviously with the immediate family members you may be better off holding those feelings back, for the sake of healing)
My girlfriend is usually able to cheer me up, because she’s a goof-ball. But sometimes I get in those really bad moods where I can’t stand any other human being. So I usually go on my computer, open up Flash and try to do something difficult with actionscript or something. Then I start to get mad at the computer, and I forget all about the people that I am mad at. Then everything just starts to go away. Music helps a lot too.
I just wanted to thank everyone for all of your kind words. All of your advice has really helped me thru this, and hopefully will help the rest of my family.
