My Life Summary and Resume

I’m building a new site that will be like a super resume and portfolio site. I’ve spent a bit of time trying to compile everything that would be relevant to my new career as a personal assistant. Let me know your thoughts on the text.

I’m heavy on the word count so get a cup of tea or a glass of wine and lend me a few minutes of your time.

My name is Darius and I’m looking for the woman of my dreams, or a job. Maybe you can help me out with the latter.

I’ve been doing freelance web development and running an internet company for the last two years, but am tired of it and want to shake things up. Working on computers and in the internet world has put me in a detached place from the world and it makes meeting people and socializing a chore rather than an easily enjoyed activity. I want to get back out in the world.

I’ve always had big dreams and a driving ambition to live in my own dream palace someday and set out to build that palace without any blue prints. I’ve self taught myself with programming, real estate investing, marketing, service… and anything else I’ve sought to achieve in.

My new plan is to live in a spare room in your palace and learn the architecture from the inside. I’d like to think I’m attractive enough to live rent free, but I know that is only true in good lighting.

I’m a social chameleon. I can be comfortable in most environments. My varied interests have put me in very different social circles and I can keep conversation and be interesting. I’m open minded and always open to learning and experiencing new things.

I’m a Libra, if you follow astrology. If you don’t it basically means I’m the all around perfect person that you’ve been looking for… No need to look that up.

Why would I be a perfect personal assistant?
Well I haven’t killed myself yet and I think I might be able to manage that for another person. In all seriousness I’ve lived on my own in several cities. I’ve worked in several industries as an employee and an owner. I enjoy an eclectic mix of hobbies and interests. I’m highly creative and enjoy all aspects of the arts. I challenge myself not only mentally but physically. I maintain a good diet and exercise routine. I’ve self trained myself to run a half marathon and compete in Sprint Triathlons. I learn very fast and I haven’t found anything that with a little time I’m not at least good at. I’m not afraid of a challenge or problem and I thrive under pressure.

I come from an educated family, well except for my brother. He got all the looks, but we look a lot alike.

I’m skilled with computer and can do everything from help you figure out why you’re getting so many pop-ups to setting up and office network.
I’ve spent 5 years working with the internet and media, creating animated media, web sites, programs, brand images, and creative marketing strategies.
I’m not normally physically threatening but I have worked as a bouncer.
I have spent hours with people in business and or starting a new business, helping them brainstorm their ideas and assess the potential of their ideas.
I’m great at parties. I like being the host; I can man a grill, make drinks, work the room, karaoke with the best of them and I’m a very good dancer.
I’ve traveled a lot and have experience planning and organizing travel & lodging arrangements. I’m a certification away from being a personal trainer. I can help you maintain a healthy diet and develop a work out routine to get you back in shape or maintain the shape you’re in.
I’m an ordained minister just in case you need to get married quickly or need some sins forgiven. I got the ordination certification 3 years ago to perform my brothers wedding.
I’ve gone to fashion school and have cut hair before. I can do personal wardrobe styling and shopping.
I tend to make people laugh. I’m lighthearted and witty. A smile and a laugh is a healthy thing.
I’m intelligent and can multitask. I can do grocery shopping, pick up dry cleaning, clean, do minor construction & landscaping, proof read, drive on and off road, speak eloquently and keep a good phone voice… If you need it done I can do it.

Using six degrees of separation you either are, or know someone who is looking for that perfect somebody. I appreciate the time you’ve given to me and if you’d like to spend a little more with me over a cup of coffee, please don’t hesitate to call.

Montessori Preschool
Hawaii Preparatory Academy
Montessori Elementary
Parker School
Bridgewater State College
Portland Art Institute

Problems and Solutions
Event Planning: Parties, BBQs, Birthdays, Special Events
Daily Details: Scheduling, Phone Calls, Mail, Errands, Food & Cooking, Cleaning, Laundry
Shopping Around: Vehicles, Electronics, Special Items
Research: Online, Legal and Court
Getting in Shape: Diet, Exercise, Sports & Activities
Traveling: Booking, Planning, Carrying Bags, Checking in/out of hotels, driving
Proof Reading: Creative Writing, Business Plans, Contracts, Letters
Brainstorming: Advertisements, Business Concepts, Creative Thinking
Protection: Private Bodyguard, Escort
Stylist: Clothes, Hair, Skin
Computers and Electronics: Purchasing, Setting Up, Fixing, Upgrading
Marketing: Invitations, Fliers, Business Cards, Websites
Real Estate: Shopping, Buying, Selling, Investing
Home Improvement: Remodeling, Landscaping, Cleaning, Decorating
*: Private Weddings, Dance Lessons

Airports (27)
Hawaii – Kona, Hilo, Honolulu, Maui
Oregon - Medford, Portland
California – Los Angeles, John Wayne, San Francisco
Nevada – Reno, Las Vegas
Arizona – Phoenix, Tucson
New York - JFK, LaGuardia, Buffalo
Denver, Dallas, Kansas City, Chicago
Orlando, Philadelphia, Providence, Boston, D.C., Heathrow, Seattle

Road Trips
170 Hrs

51 Roundtrip Flights = 324 Hrs

Cell Phone
87,600 Minutes / 1,460 Hrs. in the past 4 years

Places Visited & Lived
15 Years – Waimea, Hawaii
4 Years – Portland, OR
2 Years – Tucson, Arizona
1 Year – Boston, Massachusetts
6 Months – Los Angeles
2 Months – Orlando, Florida
1 Month – London, England
6 Weeks – Las Vegas, Nevada
2 Weeks – Bellingham, Washington
2 Weeks – Donegal, Ireland
2 Weeks – New York City, New York
1 Week – Puerto Penasco, Mexico
1 Week - Vancouver, British Columbia
1 Week – Providence, Rhode Island
1 Week – Philadelphia, Pennysylvania

Hobbies and Skills 3 Being Very Experienced, 1 Being Novice.
Sprint Triathlon – 2
Cycling – 2
Surfing – 2
Snowboarding – 1
Skateboarding – 1
Boxing – 1
Tai Kwan Do – 1
Soccer – 3
Basketball – 2
Baseball – 2
Tennis – 2
Camping – 2
Logging – 1
Hiking – 2
Running – 2
Football – 2
Fishing – 2
Sailing – 1
Computers – 3
Fashion Styling – 2
Sewing – 1
Hairstyling – 1
Painting – 1
Drawing – 1
Singing – 2
Dancing – 3
Creative Writing – 2
Screenwriting – 1
Advertising – 2
Sales – 2
Piano – 1
Guitar -1
Ice Skating – 2
Traveling – 3
Speaking – 2

Accents - 15
Russian, German, French, Indian, Australian, New Zealander, Spanish, Scottish, Irish, English, Hawaiian, Southern, East Coaster, Jewish, Cuban

Character Voices
Announcer, Hero, Female, Young Man, Evil, Old, Goblin, Sean Connery, Christopher Walken

Artwork & Poems
Fashion Sketch x 2
Furniture Sketch
Norwegian Fishing
Puke and Rally

Projects – Online Magazine for the Metrosexual Male
I am Huge in
Doctor Doctor Clothing Co.
Fortunatus – New Holiday Prospectus
JJB Comic Book
Trailer King - Video Game
Life Stylist
Office Calendar – Funny Phrase Definitions

**Books and Screenplays **
A Young Man’s Guide to Life
Ethan Michael – What would you do if you didn’t know you couldn’t
Hero – Villain / Hero Choice of what to do with powers
Sleeper – A man lost in his Dreams
Walking Away – Love with the Right Person, Wrong Time
6 States – Wild Adventure Comedy
Mother Daughter – A mother daughter story. Making of the wedding dress as the mother dies.
Commercial: ManCamp

Work Experience
Movie Theater Attendant
Waiter / Dishwasher, Host
Farm Hand
Manual Laborer
Resident Assistant
Construction Worker
Front Desk Receptionist at Gym
Male Stripper
Web Designer
Bouncer / Doorman
Web Programmer
Real Estate Investor
Real Estate Mentor
Software Developer
Webmaster / Director of Development
Cocktail Waiter
Freelance Web Developer
Personal Assistant

Date of Birth: September 26, 1981
City of Birth: Honoka’a, Hawaii
Sex: Male
Height: 6’ 2”
Weight: 190
Eye Color: Hazel
Hair Color: Blonde
Ethnicity: Caucasian, Persian

Random Facts
Youngest of 7 Children
Ordained Minister with the Universal Life Church
Learned to Swim at 2 Years Old
Been in a Roll-Over Car Accident
Admitted to the Emergency Room Over 9 Times
I Can Throw a Cell Phone 200+ Feet
Been Ineligible for High School Sports Because of Low Grades
Set School Semester for Highest Grade Point Average at the Same School
Played Duck #2 in First Grade Play
First Ever First Semester Dormitory Resident Assistant at
Bridgewater State College
Freshman Class President, Bridgewater State College
High School Prom Court – Junior and Senior Year
3 Tattoos – All hidden by t-shirt and pants
Bought First House at 19 Years Old
I Can Name All 50 States
9 Broken Bones, 3 Torn Tendons, Two Hyperextensions, 18 Stitches and 2 concussions

Dude, Hawaiian is not an accent, its DAKINE PIDGIN BRAHHHH!

Eh, brah. Just cause you when go private skoo, No mean you can tell me what fo say.

wot false crack…

Oh man, I dont even talk like that, I better stop…

Eh!, who when false crack me??!!

My new plan is to live in a spare room in your palace and learn the architecture from the inside. I’d like to think I’m attractive enough to live rent free, but I know that is only true in good lighting.

The whole thing was a good read but I am a little sketchy as to what your actually looking for?

When you say personal assistant…do you mean literally living in someone’s house and be thier butler, trainer, mentor and computer guy?

Or were you using the “house” reference as a metaphor?

You are one interesting cat alfonso.

That house reference was a metaphor. I’m not sure I’m keeping it as it’s a little odd and might make someone think I want to live in their house.

There are tons of Celebrities in Hollywood with personal assistants. Who take care of all the things they don’t want to do. That’s what I’m looking for.

and how long did u spend typing all of that?

That was a great read ethan :slight_smile: I think a lot of interviewers would like to see something a little humorous and over-the-top…kinda like what you wrote!

MG, I type fast… so not too long. I did a lot of it on my flight from Portland to LA.

Kirupa, I wanted to keep it funny and witty because it is so much information. If it were a dry read I don’t think anyone would make it through.

I’m skilled with computers and can do everything from help you figure out why you’re getting so many pop-ups to setting up and office network.

might wanna check that out, looks like you got a bit tired. other than that, i like it. you are a very interesting person m8. Good luck getting the job :wink:


I noticed those too. I haven’t really run a grammar check yet, but thanks for the heads up.

lol. Good luck Ethan.

That was definitely entertaining. Although I’m wondering what people who need a PA really want. I mean, for me I’d rather just have some ‘doormat’ that gets crap done for me and never talks back. lol

ETHAN! Budders!
You stay one Crazy foka!

well done bro :wink: great read.

Resident Assistant
Construction Worker
Front Desk Receptionist at Gym
[color=red]Male Stripper[/color]
Web Designer
Bouncer / Doorman


Do one thing everyday that scares you -Eleanor Roosevelt

I added Facts & Random Facts

it was a good read but just a couple of things I’d change

the first few lines you mention being involved in computers but you’re tired of it now and are looking for a change. That’s a bad way to start off, right away I have a negative feeling towards you cause it’s a throw away comment (“I’m tired of it”) it makes you sound irresponsable and perhaps lazy. I’d reword it into something a bit more positive.

loose the couple of sentences about your star sign. Don’t think anyone will be intrested in this but then again you live in LA and I don’t…you’d know best if it’s a big thing there or not.

reword the bouncer part to something a bit more offical like nightclub steward, just that bouncer makes you sound like a thug.

and in the last section I’d maybe take out you didn’t make the running team cause of your bad grades.

These are the things that caught my eye when I read it rather than the positives. Oh and I agree that the house metaphor is a bit confusing, probably best to remove it.

Other than that, good luck :thumb: