Roughly 3-4 Weeks ago, I was asked to help move a friend of mine (SR) into her new apartment, and simply because of nothing better to do, I started hanging out over there after work, and stuff. Her roomate (LL) moved in on the same day, and after a few weeks SR was like: “You like LL.”, and I had no choice but to admit it, though I hadn’t really realized it myself. What did it for me the most was the fact that I was so comfortable around her - LL and I ended up staying up until like 5am most nights just talking about almost anything… and according to SR, it was obvious that LL was attracted to me. The problem was that she had a boyfreind, that was in Europe for school, (still is), and won’t be back for 2+ years. LL was already having lots of doubts about the long distance relationship, and apparently he ‘never had the time’ to even send her more than a short, 1-sentance e-mail per week. I eventually told LL late Friday night (after SR threatened me with physical violence) that I had feelings for her, and I completely expected to be turned down… but wasn’t. Apparently she was confused, and torn, and wasn’t sure… on one hand she wanted to be with me, and on the other, she didn’t want to hurt her boyfriend… I said I would be respect her descision, and when I fell asleep later, I woke to find her snuggled in my arms. The rest of the weekend was fairly event filled - Saturday started with simply hugging, and holding hands, and ended with initmate kissing that night, and sunday was more of the same… Monday morning she was giving me a ride to work, and we kissed goodbye planning to see each other that night… but not long after I got to work, I got an IM from her saying that we need to stop seeing each other - even as friends. Full of guilt, and worried that she was being a bad person, she told her boyfriend about us, and while I don’t know the exact details, I know that he threw a fit (which seemed to me like he was forcing a guilt-trip upon her), which ended with “I don’t know if I want to be with you”, and then later turned into: “I don’t think I’ll ever trust you again, but I’m not going to dump you”… She essentially chose him over me, and said that we should not even talk anymore, because her temptation to be with me would be too great… She basically said she wished she could be split into two people, one to be with me, and one to wait for the other guy…
I don’t really know what to do… after saying that we should not be together, even as friends, I sort of played the “cool” act, like: “Oh, well, it hurts a bit, but I’m okay - I knew it wouldn’t last from the begginning - you need to worry about yourself, and what makes you happy, don’t worry about me…”, but that’s not how I feel… i feel like I want to run over to her house, take her by the hands, look her in the eyes, and say: “I can’t accept this… I want to be with you.”… I don’t think I have it in me to do that, though… I think she’s choosing him for the wrong reasons, not because of her feelings, but because of not wanting to hurt him, or something…
I wish I knew what I could do… I haven’t seen her since Monday morning, and I haven’t spoken to her (through IMs) since around lunchtime on Monday (only Yesterday?!)… I’ve talked to my friends, and they mostly say: “she’s making a mistake, but girls do that…”, and haven’t given me any good ideas for what to do now… am I destined to be ‘the nice guy’, who lets someone disappear forever? Should I do anything at all?
