Bad Jokes

talk random
61

Alright, you’ve driven me to this one. :bad: If it’s deemed too racy, I’ll delete. :slight_smile:

A guy walks into a bar with a cat and an ostrich. The two animals choose a table and sit down while the guy goes up to the bar and orders a round of drinks. As he does so, the cat looks up and yells “I’m not paying for them!” The man hands over the money for the beers, takes them back to the table, and they drink up.

When they’re done, the man walks over to the bar and gets another round in. Again, the cat shouts out “I’m not buying!” The man ignores the protests, takes the drinks and sits back down.

The third time he buys the beers, the barman (who’s been watching this for some time now) gets up the courage to ask the man what’s going on with the two animals.

“It’s a strange story” says the man. “I found a magic lamp, rubbed it and a genie appeared. He said he’s grant me a wish.”

The barman is still puzzled. “So what did you wish for?” he asks.

“Ah…” says the man. “You see, I wished for a bird with long legs and a tight *****.”

62

hhahahah :beam:

63

:beam::beam:

64

the previous joke kind of takes away from this ones thunder :wink:

65

Ahhh, bite me. :slight_smile: I’m allowed one rubbish joke after the quality humour I have produced this afternoon. :stuck_out_tongue:

I should have been a stand up comedian. :slight_smile:

66

What are you like :wink:

You clearly have missed your vocation… !

67

Hehe, and who says women can’t tell jokes? :stuck_out_tongue:

68

lol funny joke Kit :stuck_out_tongue:

I got a joke for you all.

What d you call a woman with a slate on her head?

Ruth!

69

A three legged dog walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says,

“I’m lookin’ for the man that shot my paw.”
lol

70

To quote the fine Kit; ’ ha, you’re out!’ We’ve had that one!
:slight_smile:

71

Two guys are talking to each other. One man pulls out a picture of his brother and says,
“Do you know my brother? He workes at a restaraunt. He’s the guy that rings the little bell when a table is ready for a group of people, but he doesn’t have any arms so he has to bang his head on it to make it ring.”
Then the other man says,
“his face rings a bell.”
lol

72

Kit I am most impressed - where did you spring all of those from, god I love jokes like that, so…

This guy goes to a doctor and says, “Doctor doctor, I’ve suddenly got five penises.”

Doc says “My god man, how do your pants fit?”

Man says “Like a glove.”

  • better still -

A girl goes to a bar and asks the barman for a Double Entendre

So he gives her one.

:thumb: :thumb:

73

Where did I get them from?

Too many Saturday afternoons spent in The Cricketers pub after football with mates who think they’re comedy geniuses. :stuck_out_tongue:

74

ANOTHER JOKE

A college student needed a small two-hour course to fill out his schedule. The only one available was Wildlife Zoology. After one week the professor gave the class a test. He passed out a sheet of paper divided into squares.
In each square was a carefully drawn picture of some bird legs. No bodies, no feet, just legs. The test asked each student to identify the birds from their legs. The student sat and stared at the test and got more and more angry.
Finally he stomped up to the front of the classroom and threw the test on the teacher’s desk. “This is the worst test I have ever taken.” The teacher looked up and said, “Young man, you have flunked this test. What is your name?” The student pulled up his pant-legs and showed the professor his legs
and replied, “You tell me!”