“She turned me into a newt!”
“A newt?”
“I got better”
-Monty Pyhon and the Holy Grail
-Dan 
Life of Brian
Brian: Excuse me. Are you the Judean People’s Front?
Reg: @#%$ off! We’re the People’s Front of Judea !
pom 0]
“why i never”
“YOU MOTHER WAS A HAMPSTWER AND YOUR FATHER SMLET OF ELDGER BERRIES”
Man: You sit here, dear.
Wife: All right.
Man: Morning!
Waitress: Morning!
Man: Well, what’ve you got?
Waitress: Well, there’s egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam;
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam…
Waitress: …spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam…
Vikings: Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
Waitress: …or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.
Wife: Have you got anything without spam?
Waitress: Well, there’s spam egg sausage and spam, that’s not got much spam in it.
Wife: I don’t want ANY spam!
Man: Why can’t she have egg bacon spam and sausage?
Wife: THAT’S got spam in it!
Man: Hasn’t got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam… (Crescendo through next few lines…)
Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then?
Waitress: Urgghh!
Wife: What do you mean ‘Urgghh’? I don’t like spam!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can’t have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam.
Wife: I don’t like spam!
Man: Sshh, dear, don’t cause a fuss. I’ll have your spam. I love it. I’m having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked beans spam spam spam and spam!
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
Man: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam… (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)
Vikings: (Singing elaborately…) Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!
Tis only a flesh wound.
“What floats in water?”
“Oil!”
“Very small rocks!”
“A duck”
-Dan
“You must go to the tallest tree in the forest and cut it down wiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeth a herring.”
We want a shrubbery! A nice one at that, not too tall, not too short or wide, but just right. And it must be a white shrubbery.
Where are we to get such an oddity in the Forest?
Go and see…Roger the shrubber.
pj
:x
“well how did you become king then?”
“The lady of the lake, her arms clad in shimmering Semite, held aloft Excalibur, signifying that I Arthur should be king.”
“Listen. Strange ladies lying in pools distributing swords is no basis for government…”
“shut up!”
“…Supreme executive power comes from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony…”
“SHUT UP!”
“…Suppose I said I was emperor just cause some watery tart lobed a scimitar at me, why they’d lock me away.”
“Let me go back and face the peril!”
“no it’s much too perilous.”
We had it tough … I had to get up at 9 o’clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of dry poison, work 29 hours down mill, and when we came home our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our grave singing Haleleuia .
“What is your name?”
“Arthur, king of the Britons.”
“What is your quest?”
“I seek the holy grail”
“What is the average wind speed velocity of an unladen swallow?”
“African or European?”
“Why… I don’t know that… AAAHHHHHHHHhhhh!!!”
this is’int a quote i just loved the coconuts in the holy grail
muahahaha
“Well where did you get the coconuts then?”
“We found them.”
“In Mercia??!!”
“In the winter food was scarce and they were forced to eat Sir Robin’s minstrels… and there was much rejoicing.”
“That’s no ordinary rabit.”
“What??!!!”
“Ees got huge pointy teeth…”
“Alright… go and cut it’s head off.”
“Right!!”
(rabbit leaps into the air and bites the mans head off.)
“Holy Cripes… that rabbit’s dynamite!”
“You are not our King… we are French types.”
“What are you doing in England?”
“Mind your own business.”
Oh, Sir Robin, spank me I’ve been bad.
NO, SPANK ME!
No, spank me please, I have been very naughty.
pj
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